AURAS

Last week in Sedona, the one thing I was most excited to do – besides hike to natural pools and jump into their chilly waters, which we did plenty of – was have an aura reading.

When I say I was excited, I mean that I find a lot of joy in new experiences, in spite of the doubts that creep in. These are the places where sometimes I hear parts of past me speak up, even as those voices are becoming quieter over time – the ones that say it’s all made up, or what if your aura comes out the wrong color (which to that scared voice, would be any color that isn’t warm or one of my favorites), or that it’s some type of evil magic that I shouldn’t go near (that’s the religious trauma). These are the voices of inexperience that show up to try to convince me I should never do anything unpredictable.

To me, the appeal of learning more about energy, whether it’s through astrology, the five elements and meridians of Traditional Chinese Medicine, the four earth elements, chakras and auras, somatic therapies, the life-forces of breath, prana, and qi, the simplicity of knowing if attention is in vs out, and I’d even put personality typing here too, as they are tools for understanding your personal energy – like the Enneagram, Myers-Briggs – is that energy work is a beautiful, approving teacher that doesn’t use shame as a motivational tool for change. Instead, most of these practices connect us to archetypes – stories and symbols and metaphors that show up in human existence over and over again, regardless of language or culture, in the same ways – to find threads that help us sew the quilts of ourselves. And many have lineages that come from ancient wisdom and indigenous cultures that have survived for thousands of years.*

Which is why I wanted to experience this: to see myself in a way I hadn’t before, to see how my embodied physical energy shows up and relates to my Aries sun, Capricorn moon, and Scorpio rising, Enneagram 4, E/I-NFP, fire, earth, and water signs. Now I can add an orange-red aura to that list, and it fits beautifully with the symbols of all of the rest. In a strange way, it feels like a journey of collecting pieces of myself, symbols that represent parts of my being that I’m only just discovering. The gathering of the pieces is the part that feels exciting; weaving them together and sorting out how to use them is the healing work.

Each one on its own is interesting; how they all fit together is revealing. After so many years of looking for myself, the picture I have is clearer, almost to the point where the reflection provided by any of these tools is no longer a surprise. Curiosity, though, is part of the anticipation and fun. When I started exploring all of these things that used to feel off-limits, I craved validation, something solid to cling to that might make me feel worthy and not broken. This time though, it felt familiar and less of an identity, more of a reassurance and a sense of belonging.

Yet, the aura reader also told me I was in a place of transition or transformation – I wish I remembered the specific word. That is the part that still feels itchy and uncomfortable. This transition has been long and I want the transformation to be complete, so I can move into whatever comes next. I am impatient, always, to see who I’ll become, to know the next version of myself.

There’s a younger version of me who would be both thrilled and terrified that this is who we are now, that there is another side to spirituality and connection that we were too afraid of and told not to explore but that holds vast self-knowledge and wisdom. I want to tell her that there is nothing within her to be afraid of. That learning more about yourself will fill you up and help you discover your worth. The healing in all of these practices is what resonates with you and allows you to see and accept all the parts of yourself. They are all processes of integration and discovery, allowing you to see yourself in and connect with the world around you – both living and non-living. Never let anyone stop you from learning more about yourself, because knowing yourself means finding your worth and power.

It feels exciting to use these tools as a way into discovering new possibilities of self-expression, not just for myself, but in making photos with other people and as inspiration for new work to come. How fun would it be to incorporate symbols of who you are into a creative portrait session? Or add your aura colors into your personal space? To use what feels deeply personal for self-expression? Or explore and learn more about how they show up in others, to create spaces that allow people to see themselves as whole humans who aren’t broken?

Because my greatest hope is that at the end of whatever transformation or self-discovery journey I’m on, there will be space and support for all the other people I meet walking this path too. Not so long ago, I believed that all things self were selfish. But instead, what I’ve found to be true is that it is through self-discovery that I feel more connected than ever to how we all show up in the world, and how we all uniquely hold the elements of life inside of us.