UNREALISTIC DESIRES

A list of unrealistic (completely impossible) desires:

 To have a body that lights up and sparkles and reflects light or color-changing skin, or tattoos that appear on my skin and can change just by imagining an image

A magical bubble that floats to where ever I want to go in the world, is always a safe place to stay, provides shelter and rest, is filled with pillows, cats, and dogs, and can shape shift into any style of home that I want, and acts as a room of requirement, providing exactly the items that I both need and will bring me joy

A nature chorus with birds and trees and rain and cats and dogs and wind chimes, a complete musical to wake up to every day

✨ Getting to ride on a polar bear to run errands or get around town

✨ A secret language to talk to any plant or animal, something universally understood

Underwater fireflies

The first time I came up with a list of unrealistic desires, the wanting for them to be real was so strong, I spent a day crying that they couldn’t exist in this world, and could only live in my imagination.

I don’t know exactly what age I was when I stopped imagining, stopped playing pretend. But I do know that I cast my most imaginative self aside in order to grow up. To become more adult, to make decisions that made sense. And reclaiming her, pulling her out of the compost, allows me to feel hopeful and free again, to feel inspired to use her as my creative ally.

Finding her hasn’t been just about adding her into my creative process, though. She’s also been my greatest healer, allowing me to connect to both past and future versions of myself.

Part of the process of making creative portraits is to go desire-hunting together, to unearth something wild that maybe has been buried under a lifetime of being realistic and accepting what is offered or held back because it doesn’t fit into reality. It doesn’t have to make sense to be a place from which to jump off, it just has to feel true and delightful.

I sometimes wish I could go back and tell my younger self, the one in the space between being a child and an adult, that I’ll come back to her in the future and I’ll need her help. I need her to be in charge and lead the way in making images that speak in metaphors and exist somewhere between what’s real and what only she can dream up.